Everyone in their life has that moment where they just know that if one more item falls into their lap....or onto an imaginary plate that they are balancing...everything will just come crashing down.....well I am at that precipice...I can feel it in my chest...if one more thing goes wrong...or gets added to my proverbial plate...everything is going to come crashing down around me...
*This blog is not going to be your shiny happy blog....or your cute anecdote blog about Nicholas....it will be a blog of rambling from said crazy person...me :) *
Let the rambling begin..........I warn you all....stop reading now......
1.) The Christmas Holiday is fast approaching....and I have still not bought one single gift for anyone.....let alone my own son....but that is a small problem..one easily rectified too....but it's on that imaginary plate....
2.) My Father is in Florida...yes....and yes he is coming home for the Christmas holiday....but my parents have been fighting since Thanksgiving....and I have been relegated to their go between person...their buffer....because they are not speaking to each other...ooh wait yes they are...only through me...."Tell your mother this" "well tell your father that"....again a small problem...it's actually more annoying than anything...and I also know that once my Father comes home...they will be forced to talk to each other
3.) I have my History Final on Monday....only problem is....my professor...STILL has not given us any idea what is on the final....accept to say..."It won't cover everything you have learned"...OK then...what will it cover? He keeps saying...next class we'll discuss it...next class....well I only have one class left...Thursday...so let us all pray that I get some idea on Thursday.....again...small dilemma...but still on that imaginary plate
4.) My son's PPT is fast approaching...December 21st to be exact...and for lack of any better wording...I will be bringing the roof down on these people....They have apparently reneged on the agreement that Nicholas needs Occupational Therapy...they say he can wait till Kindergarten....but they admit he has a problem....they would rather wait till he is even FURTHER behind in his writing capabilities than give him the services he needs....to continue with this same item....I fully believe that my son is NOT getting his Speech therapy services....I have found out that Nicholas has been getting sent back and forth to Kindergarten...behind my back....and against my wishes....which has now made it that my son does not want to go to school...in fact he cries everyday when he has to go....and he used to love going to school...and to put the icing on the cake....he is STILL getting hit in the classroom....but...
I am FULLY PREPARED for this PPT.....
A.) I have letters from his personal physician, his neurologist, his private therapists, and a pediatric developmental specialist...all saying the same thing...all agreeing with me...HE NEEDS THE OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY NOW....not later
B.) I have pulled out his IEP from last year...which 1.) states that he is to be receiving an hour and a half a week of Speech therapy services....so to fix the problem of him not getting these services...I will be requesting a log....sent home every week..on what they are working on with him, when they saw him, and for how long...and 2.) it also states that I told them last year...his getting moved back and forth to Kindergarten was not allowed...so what does that mean....they went against the IEP...which they can't do...:)
So even though I am fully prepared for this PPT....it is still on that damn plate of mine.....and now for the biggie...the number one item on my plate....
5.) My Son's Father----
Well as you can pretty much tell, by the title of the blog....The Single Mommy...my son's father is not in his life...in fact...to tell you the truth..he has never even met him once...his loss I know...:) For 5 years...I have had peace...while I have heard from his family in those five years...it was mostly to tell me...well he says Nicholas isn't his...you are lying...etc....While those things hurt, I just kept saying...well it's his loss...and he knows the truth...and sooner or later what goes around comes around...but I also fully believed...that when the time came...when he went to court for a child support hearing...he wouldn't lie to the judge....WELL BOY WAS I WRONG....you guessed it...he lied...
although I suppose...if you say something enough..you begin to believe it yourself...so maybe he believes what he's been saying all these years...but still it hurt to hear it...
what really hurt...was when I had to bring my son..to the slums of the slums....(because this child support case is going through the state) for DNA testing....I swear to you...there was a family there...2 sisters...their kids...and the Grandmother....all there arguing...they didn't know whose kid was whose....how on this god green earth do you not know which child is yours?!?!? I'm actually still trying to figure that one out...but I digress....my issue here is simply...he is putting me through this embarrassment...making me take my child for DNA testing...to what? To prove to everyone...that I haven't been lying for 5 years....to stall out this hearing a little bit longer...what is this doing...besides upsetting me.....I know I shouldn't let it upset me, but unfortunately it does....and this whole thing...this whole proceeding...is another item on my plate until it gets settled...which I pray comes quickly...because I really can't take much more of that....like I said...I had peace for 5 years...I didn't have to think about him, I didn't have to deal with this...I didn't have to have anything to do with him...I didn't have to know what he was saying...but now I do...and it's right in my face...and well I truthfully don't know how to deal with it....
And let us go back to that PPT point from earlier....with this item being in my face right now...(my son's father).....it forces me to remember that for 5 years I have been fighting tooth and nail for our son....alone...and well that bugs me too...of course I will do it and I will continue to do it...because damn it...no one is going to deny my son of services that he needs so he can become whoever he wants to be....but it would be nice to have some support every once in a while....to have someone come and say...here Melissa let me go and argue with them today....but no I do it alone.....and sometimes it just gets to me...especially when I go to one of his Doctor's and I hear the words, "You aren't doing enough for him...you need to be doing more.." I have to ask myself..."how much more can I do?"
Anyways....I have now been writing for an hour...and I feel better...at least I got it all out there...but on a positive note...because I am simply not one to leave a blog on a bad note...I have decided that once my final is over, my father comes home, Christmas is over, my son's PPT is done...and the only thing I have to worry about is Nicholas' Dad...I am going to take a two week vacation with Nicholas...because really...he and I need some time together...and I need a break...time to clear my head and relax and rejuvenate....:)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Simply Amazed...there are no words
So today I dropped my son off at his Special Education Pre-School clasroom for his 2 1/2 hour day.
To Understand this story you need this side bit of information....Nicholas is in this program for a speech and language impairment.....
So to continue....Nicholas walks into the classroom, I am telling his special education teacher, that I will be picking him up today...when Nicholas walks over to the teacher....and pulls on her arm, (doesn't say anything), gets her attention, then points at his shoe (still not saying anything), and keeps pointing at his shoe, until his teacher who is guessing everything and anything, figures out that his shoe is wet....and this is why he is complaining.....silently....
I watch this whole scene, and then look at Nicholas and say..."excuse me since when can't we talk?" He just shakes his head....so I then said..."well I guess since you can't talk we need to take away your TV and toys."
Nicholas: "Mommy I can talk."
Me: "I thought so, now you know better and you need to use your words, go put your stuff away please."
Nicholas: "ok Mommy, bye"
I then turn to his teacher and just look at her....
Me: "ummmmm correct me if I'm wrong, but he is here for a speech delay, since when does him not talking help with his speech impairment?"
DePalma: "Well he hasn't been here for two days, so he was looking for attention."
Me: "So we are reinforcing him getting negative attention?"
DePalma: "Well no, we aren't doing that, but he just wanted some attention from me, so I gave it to him."
Me: "but by you responding to him, without him talking, you are reinforcing him not having to talk. (Then because I really had to run because I had to get my dad to an appointment) Uhhhh I don't have time to argue this with you, just don't do it anymore....I don't need you helping him to not talk...you are supposed to be helping him TO TALK.....gotta go bye."
But I mean seriously people....really?!?! How is this OK?
To Understand this story you need this side bit of information....Nicholas is in this program for a speech and language impairment.....
So to continue....Nicholas walks into the classroom, I am telling his special education teacher, that I will be picking him up today...when Nicholas walks over to the teacher....and pulls on her arm, (doesn't say anything), gets her attention, then points at his shoe (still not saying anything), and keeps pointing at his shoe, until his teacher who is guessing everything and anything, figures out that his shoe is wet....and this is why he is complaining.....silently....
I watch this whole scene, and then look at Nicholas and say..."excuse me since when can't we talk?" He just shakes his head....so I then said..."well I guess since you can't talk we need to take away your TV and toys."
Nicholas: "Mommy I can talk."
Me: "I thought so, now you know better and you need to use your words, go put your stuff away please."
Nicholas: "ok Mommy, bye"
I then turn to his teacher and just look at her....
Me: "ummmmm correct me if I'm wrong, but he is here for a speech delay, since when does him not talking help with his speech impairment?"
DePalma: "Well he hasn't been here for two days, so he was looking for attention."
Me: "So we are reinforcing him getting negative attention?"
DePalma: "Well no, we aren't doing that, but he just wanted some attention from me, so I gave it to him."
Me: "but by you responding to him, without him talking, you are reinforcing him not having to talk. (Then because I really had to run because I had to get my dad to an appointment) Uhhhh I don't have time to argue this with you, just don't do it anymore....I don't need you helping him to not talk...you are supposed to be helping him TO TALK.....gotta go bye."
But I mean seriously people....really?!?! How is this OK?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Happy Birthday to My Baby Boy....oooh excuse me my Big Boy
Well It's official...it's October 22nd, which means my baby is now a big boy and has officially turned 5. I simply cannot believe it. Where have those 5 years gone? I still remember October 21st, 2004 completely clearly. Now you all are probably saying...wait a minute he was born the 22nd...and you are right, but his birth starts on the 21st. I can remember being at my job at that time, Tutor Time, and saying to everyone, "I will be right back, I'm just going for my ultrasound....see everyone in like 2 hours." Well you guessed it...those 2 hours turned into 6 weeks. My son dramatic since the start :) I went for my ultrasound, thinking everything was normal...and then everybody gets all mysterious....the technician, is in and out of the room, the staff are going back and forth, and then finally, me getting rather annoyed, because I don't know what is going on, ask "is everything ok?" The technician says get dressed, and sit in the waiting room, we are waiting for Dr. Ronan to call us back, concerning you." so I got dressed, and waited. About an hour later, they came and told me, go to the hospital, Dr. Ronan will meet you there. So the scared little girl that I am....call my Mom....and head to the hospital...only when I called her...I didn't know anything...so I went to the hospital, and they had a room ready...and Dr. Ronan was there....nothing horrible, I just needed to get IV Fluid through the night, and then the next morning they would induce labor. So I spent the night with a needle in my arm, contemplating the next day...when I would meet my little baby boy.
The next morning at 8:30 AM sharp, they started the inducing drugs....and I admit it...I said....I don't want pain medicine...no drugs for me...not at all....haha yeah right....the first sign of pain....I was begging....:)
At exactly 7:10 that night...my little boy was there....Nicholas Gino Federico, my baby boy. Now there is a very funny story that should be put in here...but out of my own embarrassment I won't say it...but Auntie Jo...you know what it is....(the first meeting of my son)
The next 5 years pass in a huge blur....don't get me wrong I have lots and lots of adorable stories...
His christening for example....when his Godmother/Great Aunt (sorry Auntie Jo...but it's true) kept the towel to clean his head off, after the water, and the deacon says "who has my towel" or the first time he said "mama" or when he finally crawled for the first time, or walked for that matter....how about his first day of pre-school, and taking the bus, like such a big boy. I have millions of them, and I could take up the rest of the night and probably all the next day discussing them....so I will spare everyone :)
Then there are the not so good times...like when at 2 weeks old...my baby was admitted to the hospital for an infected finger....yes that's right an infected finger....I felt like the worst mother in the world at that point...my baby was only two weeks old and he was already hospitalized :(
Or the more recent two stitches in his head, because he tripped over his own feet while playing and went head first into the corner of a wall....
But these past 5 years, while passing quickly have also been the greatest of my life, I have had the privilege of raising one of the cutest, smartest, funniest, most adorable children in the world...my little boy.
And as is tradition with me, and everyone who knows me knows this, A BIG BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION will be starting today and ending on Sunday. :) We have parties at school, parties at home, parties at his gym, and our big family party, for the rest of the weekend...
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY VERY SPECIAL LITTLE BOY....I LOVE YOU NICHOLAS. I still can't believe you have turned 5 today....:)
The next morning at 8:30 AM sharp, they started the inducing drugs....and I admit it...I said....I don't want pain medicine...no drugs for me...not at all....haha yeah right....the first sign of pain....I was begging....:)
At exactly 7:10 that night...my little boy was there....Nicholas Gino Federico, my baby boy. Now there is a very funny story that should be put in here...but out of my own embarrassment I won't say it...but Auntie Jo...you know what it is....(the first meeting of my son)
The next 5 years pass in a huge blur....don't get me wrong I have lots and lots of adorable stories...
His christening for example....when his Godmother/Great Aunt (sorry Auntie Jo...but it's true) kept the towel to clean his head off, after the water, and the deacon says "who has my towel" or the first time he said "mama" or when he finally crawled for the first time, or walked for that matter....how about his first day of pre-school, and taking the bus, like such a big boy. I have millions of them, and I could take up the rest of the night and probably all the next day discussing them....so I will spare everyone :)
Then there are the not so good times...like when at 2 weeks old...my baby was admitted to the hospital for an infected finger....yes that's right an infected finger....I felt like the worst mother in the world at that point...my baby was only two weeks old and he was already hospitalized :(
Or the more recent two stitches in his head, because he tripped over his own feet while playing and went head first into the corner of a wall....
But these past 5 years, while passing quickly have also been the greatest of my life, I have had the privilege of raising one of the cutest, smartest, funniest, most adorable children in the world...my little boy.
And as is tradition with me, and everyone who knows me knows this, A BIG BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION will be starting today and ending on Sunday. :) We have parties at school, parties at home, parties at his gym, and our big family party, for the rest of the weekend...
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY VERY SPECIAL LITTLE BOY....I LOVE YOU NICHOLAS. I still can't believe you have turned 5 today....:)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A thought from watching a tv show
Well if you know me at all you know that I LOVE the tv show Brothers and Sisters...in fact it is the only show I watch on TV. Every Sunday night, no matter what I'm doing, or how much work I have to do, I stop everything and turn on ABC and enjoy my one show.
Well after tonights episode, I had a thought. Obviously from the title of this blog...The Single Mommy, I am a single Mom, it was a choice I made myself, it was a choice I never question, but I have a question tonight....
After watching tonights episode, I saw something that makes me wonder. There is a family, a mother, father, and a son. This dynamic stays together simply because of the child. So my question is this...
Is it better to give your child a mother and a father even if you aren't happy in your situation? Or is it better to do as I did and leave the bad situation?
Well all I can say to this is simply this:
My son is soon to be 5 years old...and all I hear from anyone who meets him, is how much of a happy child he is, how they never see him without a smile on his face, how respectful he is, and how much of a pure joy he is to be around. So I say this....I made the right choice...my son is happy and I am happy and at peace with my decision. :)
So my lesson for the night for all you readers out there....you might think you are doing the right thing for your child by staying together, but in the end, the child will realize that you stayed together simply for them, and they will feel guilt and anger. So don't do it. If you aren't happy, get out, you can both still be parents to the child, but you don't have to be together to be parents.
In my situation, his father has chosen to not be a father to his son, but that was a choice he made, and a choice he has to be at peace with. Is he at peace with his decision? I can't answer that, because I don't know. All I can say is...I am at peace.
Well after tonights episode, I had a thought. Obviously from the title of this blog...The Single Mommy, I am a single Mom, it was a choice I made myself, it was a choice I never question, but I have a question tonight....
After watching tonights episode, I saw something that makes me wonder. There is a family, a mother, father, and a son. This dynamic stays together simply because of the child. So my question is this...
Is it better to give your child a mother and a father even if you aren't happy in your situation? Or is it better to do as I did and leave the bad situation?
Well all I can say to this is simply this:
My son is soon to be 5 years old...and all I hear from anyone who meets him, is how much of a happy child he is, how they never see him without a smile on his face, how respectful he is, and how much of a pure joy he is to be around. So I say this....I made the right choice...my son is happy and I am happy and at peace with my decision. :)
So my lesson for the night for all you readers out there....you might think you are doing the right thing for your child by staying together, but in the end, the child will realize that you stayed together simply for them, and they will feel guilt and anger. So don't do it. If you aren't happy, get out, you can both still be parents to the child, but you don't have to be together to be parents.
In my situation, his father has chosen to not be a father to his son, but that was a choice he made, and a choice he has to be at peace with. Is he at peace with his decision? I can't answer that, because I don't know. All I can say is...I am at peace.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Cutest and Funniest Conversation I have ever had
Nicholas- "Mommy you need to stop leaving me."
Me: "Nicholas mommy only went to the library for the school, b/c Mommy had to study."
Nick- "Mommy all you do is study, too much studying, now stop it."
Me:- "Nicholas, Mommy has to study, so Mommy can get a good education, and become a teacher."
Nick:- "No Mommy, Mrs. DePalma doesn't study, she plays, she's my teacher, you play like her.
Me:- "Nicholas, Mrs. Depalma plays with you b/c she already got her education and is a teacher, mommy didn't finish yet.
Nick:- "Well hurry up Mommy, your slow like great-grandma
Me:- "Well I'm sorry Nicholas that it took me longer, but I had to take some time to raise you."
Nick:- "Mommy I'm a big boy, you no raise me anymore, hurry up mommy."
Me:- "Ohhh ok Nicholas, I'll try to hurry up."
Now after this conversation and replaying it in my head...its no wonder I'm always so exhausted...this child is just too smart for his own good...but he's so cute too..I just can't help but love him..
Me: "Nicholas mommy only went to the library for the school, b/c Mommy had to study."
Nick- "Mommy all you do is study, too much studying, now stop it."
Me:- "Nicholas, Mommy has to study, so Mommy can get a good education, and become a teacher."
Nick:- "No Mommy, Mrs. DePalma doesn't study, she plays, she's my teacher, you play like her.
Me:- "Nicholas, Mrs. Depalma plays with you b/c she already got her education and is a teacher, mommy didn't finish yet.
Nick:- "Well hurry up Mommy, your slow like great-grandma
Me:- "Well I'm sorry Nicholas that it took me longer, but I had to take some time to raise you."
Nick:- "Mommy I'm a big boy, you no raise me anymore, hurry up mommy."
Me:- "Ohhh ok Nicholas, I'll try to hurry up."
Now after this conversation and replaying it in my head...its no wonder I'm always so exhausted...this child is just too smart for his own good...but he's so cute too..I just can't help but love him..
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Single Mommy and Library Decorum
As I seem to do best...get upset and write....that is what I am going to do tonight and so here we go......
As a student at University you would think students, who have gone through 12 years of schooling already, in addition to the respect and courtesy their parents are supposed to be teaching them, they would have basic respect for other people, but apparently they don't.
Tonight I had every intention of going to the Campus Library after my class to bury myself in some more readings for my classes. So I go to the library, set myself up in the QUIET (big emphasis on the quiet) Study area, take out all my books, my highlighters, my pens, and my notebooks, settle myself in to the hard wood chair, and begin to read. No sooner do I do that than these 2 students come in and sit down together and start to talk LOUDLY, and not about anything that has to do with schoolwork.
Now I try, I really try to concentrate on my books while they talk...figuring they are just settling in, like I had to do, and then they would get quiet and start to study. So I keep trying....I try for 1/2 hour...and nothing...I haven't gotten past one page in my textbook, and these 2 students are still talking about nothing of great importance and they haven't even opened their backpacks yet to study.
So I get up and go over to them very nicely, and ask them if they could please talk a little quieter, as people are trying to study. This one very rude male in a very unpolite way told me basically to shut up and leave them alone.....well....I didn't take that very well....so I packed up my stuff and came home to write this blog...Entitled Library Decorum:
Here are some basic rules for when you go to the library....On a side note...you would think these rules have already been taught to these students by their parents and/or teachers from previous years...but apparently not:
Rule # 1 : When you go to the library....use the library what it is meant for: STUDYING or RESEARCH
Rule # 2: If you want to talk to your friends...then do so...but don't talk to your friends in the area labeled QUIET STUDY AREA
Rule # 3: If you must go to the quiet study area then use the quiet study area as it is intended to be used....FOR QUIET STUDY
Rule # 4: If you are talking in the quiet study area, and someone comes up to you and asks you NICELY to please lower your voices, do not talk back rudely to this person, just to save face....be polite in return to this person, who is there, just like you, to get all she/he can out of their education
If you follow these very simple rules I think everyone can have positive library experience....thank you and goodnight :)
Well actually not goodnight...now that I have gotten all that out of my system it is time for me to hit the books again, as I intended to do at the library :)
As a student at University you would think students, who have gone through 12 years of schooling already, in addition to the respect and courtesy their parents are supposed to be teaching them, they would have basic respect for other people, but apparently they don't.
Tonight I had every intention of going to the Campus Library after my class to bury myself in some more readings for my classes. So I go to the library, set myself up in the QUIET (big emphasis on the quiet) Study area, take out all my books, my highlighters, my pens, and my notebooks, settle myself in to the hard wood chair, and begin to read. No sooner do I do that than these 2 students come in and sit down together and start to talk LOUDLY, and not about anything that has to do with schoolwork.
Now I try, I really try to concentrate on my books while they talk...figuring they are just settling in, like I had to do, and then they would get quiet and start to study. So I keep trying....I try for 1/2 hour...and nothing...I haven't gotten past one page in my textbook, and these 2 students are still talking about nothing of great importance and they haven't even opened their backpacks yet to study.
So I get up and go over to them very nicely, and ask them if they could please talk a little quieter, as people are trying to study. This one very rude male in a very unpolite way told me basically to shut up and leave them alone.....well....I didn't take that very well....so I packed up my stuff and came home to write this blog...Entitled Library Decorum:
Here are some basic rules for when you go to the library....On a side note...you would think these rules have already been taught to these students by their parents and/or teachers from previous years...but apparently not:
Rule # 1 : When you go to the library....use the library what it is meant for: STUDYING or RESEARCH
Rule # 2: If you want to talk to your friends...then do so...but don't talk to your friends in the area labeled QUIET STUDY AREA
Rule # 3: If you must go to the quiet study area then use the quiet study area as it is intended to be used....FOR QUIET STUDY
Rule # 4: If you are talking in the quiet study area, and someone comes up to you and asks you NICELY to please lower your voices, do not talk back rudely to this person, just to save face....be polite in return to this person, who is there, just like you, to get all she/he can out of their education
If you follow these very simple rules I think everyone can have positive library experience....thank you and goodnight :)
Well actually not goodnight...now that I have gotten all that out of my system it is time for me to hit the books again, as I intended to do at the library :)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Special Education VS. The Single Mommy
Well I just had a very interesting phone call from my son's Special Education Teacher...and because it just feels so good to be vindicated after 2 1/2 years of arguing with her...I decided to blog about it :D
Well now, since Nicholas started the special education program at his public school, he has been receiving only speech therapy services, but he has needed occupational therapy for all this time. Well since the beginning they have been fighting me on that service, saying it wasn't educationally neccessary etc....
Well today, they called and guess what? After 2 years of me arguing them, they had to call me to tell me, they have finally seen what I have been saying for two years, he has a problem, and they need to give him services. HAHA....Finally :)
But now here is the really funny part...she asked me, if I would like him to start receiving services now, or do I want to wait till he starts kindergarten next year?!?! Why on earth would I wait for something that I have been fighting for, for two + years?
Well I don't think it is necessary to say this, but he will be starting to receive the necessary services as soon as they finish formally testing him for it.
And so this just shows you...no matter what...just keep fighting for your child, because all children deserve the services necessary to help them succeed, and as you can see, Nicholas will finally be getting ALL those services :)
And so to end this very happy blog :
GO ME!!!! :)
Well now, since Nicholas started the special education program at his public school, he has been receiving only speech therapy services, but he has needed occupational therapy for all this time. Well since the beginning they have been fighting me on that service, saying it wasn't educationally neccessary etc....
Well today, they called and guess what? After 2 years of me arguing them, they had to call me to tell me, they have finally seen what I have been saying for two years, he has a problem, and they need to give him services. HAHA....Finally :)
But now here is the really funny part...she asked me, if I would like him to start receiving services now, or do I want to wait till he starts kindergarten next year?!?! Why on earth would I wait for something that I have been fighting for, for two + years?
Well I don't think it is necessary to say this, but he will be starting to receive the necessary services as soon as they finish formally testing him for it.
And so this just shows you...no matter what...just keep fighting for your child, because all children deserve the services necessary to help them succeed, and as you can see, Nicholas will finally be getting ALL those services :)
And so to end this very happy blog :
GO ME!!!! :)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Dating & The Single Mommy
To Start A Simple Question: Can it work?
The not so simple Answer: I still don't know how to make it work.
I remember back in high school when dating was just plain fun. Well yeah in the end there is always the heartbreak and tears, but you move on, find someone else and tell yourself all the ways this boyfriend/girlfriend is SO much better than your last. On the fun side, you went to dances, football games, movies, and you were just carefree. There were no worries, besides would it last, and in the end we were all so young we didn't even really care if it did or not, we had our whole lives in front of us.
Well when you have a child, I swear I think dating is like another job and in that sense some of the fun is taken away. Now it's always well do I have the time? Because above all else your child has to come first. Then, even if it is the first date, things are constantly running through your head...."hmmm I wonder if my son would like him? If he would like my son? I wonder if Nicholas is ok?"
Then there is the guilt. The guilt of being out when in reality there is SO much other stuff that needs to be done, schoolwork, laundry, cleaning, etc..
Then there is my favorite part...and this isn't a criticism to anyone who doesn't have a child, but when you are dating someone who doesn't have a child, they want to do things at a drop of a hat, because they have no commitments, and then when you can't they get angry and frustrated because you aren't spending enough time with them. That really is my favorite part..."I'm sorry its 9 o'clock at night, I don't have a babysitter, I can't go out at 9:30" You'd think they would understand that. Well I'm here to tell you 99% of the time they don't.
Then if you date someone who does have a child, there is double the amounts of things that are getting in your way in order to see each other.
So in the end, can being a single parent and dating work? Well I think so, but there are some basic rules I think need to be followed:
1.) Everyone deserves the chance to go out...so set aside once a week as date night, and no matter what, get out even if you are going out by yourself, just get out, have some fun, let loose.
2.) When you are out, no matter how hard it is, forget everything, don't think a thousand questions, just go back to your high school days, and be carefree and have fun.
3.) One thing that I am very adamant on is this : don't involve your child in your dating life, until you know that this might be going somewhere, don't let your child meet every single one of your dates, because all you are doing is confusing and hurting your child, but in the end, if you do introduce your child to the person you are dating, if your child doesn't like that person, LISTEN to your child, don't just wave it off like it's nothing, because I will bet you in the end your child was right. :)
So go ahead, go out there and have some fun :)
The not so simple Answer: I still don't know how to make it work.
I remember back in high school when dating was just plain fun. Well yeah in the end there is always the heartbreak and tears, but you move on, find someone else and tell yourself all the ways this boyfriend/girlfriend is SO much better than your last. On the fun side, you went to dances, football games, movies, and you were just carefree. There were no worries, besides would it last, and in the end we were all so young we didn't even really care if it did or not, we had our whole lives in front of us.
Well when you have a child, I swear I think dating is like another job and in that sense some of the fun is taken away. Now it's always well do I have the time? Because above all else your child has to come first. Then, even if it is the first date, things are constantly running through your head...."hmmm I wonder if my son would like him? If he would like my son? I wonder if Nicholas is ok?"
Then there is the guilt. The guilt of being out when in reality there is SO much other stuff that needs to be done, schoolwork, laundry, cleaning, etc..
Then there is my favorite part...and this isn't a criticism to anyone who doesn't have a child, but when you are dating someone who doesn't have a child, they want to do things at a drop of a hat, because they have no commitments, and then when you can't they get angry and frustrated because you aren't spending enough time with them. That really is my favorite part..."I'm sorry its 9 o'clock at night, I don't have a babysitter, I can't go out at 9:30" You'd think they would understand that. Well I'm here to tell you 99% of the time they don't.
Then if you date someone who does have a child, there is double the amounts of things that are getting in your way in order to see each other.
So in the end, can being a single parent and dating work? Well I think so, but there are some basic rules I think need to be followed:
1.) Everyone deserves the chance to go out...so set aside once a week as date night, and no matter what, get out even if you are going out by yourself, just get out, have some fun, let loose.
2.) When you are out, no matter how hard it is, forget everything, don't think a thousand questions, just go back to your high school days, and be carefree and have fun.
3.) One thing that I am very adamant on is this : don't involve your child in your dating life, until you know that this might be going somewhere, don't let your child meet every single one of your dates, because all you are doing is confusing and hurting your child, but in the end, if you do introduce your child to the person you are dating, if your child doesn't like that person, LISTEN to your child, don't just wave it off like it's nothing, because I will bet you in the end your child was right. :)
So go ahead, go out there and have some fun :)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
How do we do it?
I feel like I am being buried in a sea of books and notebooks, and articles, without a way to dig myself out.
I am currently a part time student at University, taking only 2 classes, and I am also currently unemployed, but I am a full time mother.
I feel like no matter how much time I spend reading, taking notes, doing homework, or taking care of Nicholas, I jsut don't have enough time in the day to get anything else done. My room looks like a copy room full of papers and books without a spare spot in sight.
My son's room, there are clothes everywhere...b/c I am in the process of weeding out all the summer clothes to replace them with the fall/winter clothes, but I need to keep stopping b/c I have to continue something else.
My basement looks like a toy store threw up, and I am making absolutely no headway there, and to top it all off my son's birthday is coming up and his best friend Jaden's bday is one day before him, so we have decided to do a joint birthday party at the gym. Well, no invites have been sent out, we haven't decided on a cake, and I just don't know how to get it all done.
Oh wait and did I mention I'm already having problems with my son's teachers and I need to make time to get to the school to figure out what the H--- they are doing to my kid to have him come home crying everyday practically. ( I'm sure its not them, I know its probably Nicholas not sticking up for himself again, and kids taking advantage of him, but still I need to find out what is going on) I'm up at 8 in the morning and I'm staying up till 1 or 2 in the morning to get everything done and yet I feel like nothing is getting done.
so in all this rambling the reason for this post is this :
To my mother, who I never gave her enough credit for all she did for us and by the way she didn't have one child...she had 3...I now get it...thank you Mom for everything.
I am currently a part time student at University, taking only 2 classes, and I am also currently unemployed, but I am a full time mother.
I feel like no matter how much time I spend reading, taking notes, doing homework, or taking care of Nicholas, I jsut don't have enough time in the day to get anything else done. My room looks like a copy room full of papers and books without a spare spot in sight.
My son's room, there are clothes everywhere...b/c I am in the process of weeding out all the summer clothes to replace them with the fall/winter clothes, but I need to keep stopping b/c I have to continue something else.
My basement looks like a toy store threw up, and I am making absolutely no headway there, and to top it all off my son's birthday is coming up and his best friend Jaden's bday is one day before him, so we have decided to do a joint birthday party at the gym. Well, no invites have been sent out, we haven't decided on a cake, and I just don't know how to get it all done.
Oh wait and did I mention I'm already having problems with my son's teachers and I need to make time to get to the school to figure out what the H--- they are doing to my kid to have him come home crying everyday practically. ( I'm sure its not them, I know its probably Nicholas not sticking up for himself again, and kids taking advantage of him, but still I need to find out what is going on) I'm up at 8 in the morning and I'm staying up till 1 or 2 in the morning to get everything done and yet I feel like nothing is getting done.
so in all this rambling the reason for this post is this :
To my mother, who I never gave her enough credit for all she did for us and by the way she didn't have one child...she had 3...I now get it...thank you Mom for everything.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
College Student Wonderings
Today I started my College class titled, The Sociological Imagination, it is basically an Intro To Sociology course. I thought this class was going to be a real bore...and just one of those common core classes, that you don't want to take...but if you want to graduate you have to suffer through it. well was I wrong......just one night of class and it has me thinking...I mean really thinking...
I am from a small town, where everyone lives in the nuclear family, (Mom, Dad, and Children), Well as you can tell by the title of my blog, The Single Mommy, My son and I, are not a typical nuclear family. So what does that have to do with Sociology?
Well tonight in class we were discussing education and the role it plays in society. We were discussing all types of things, and one item that came up, was that children whose parents are upper middle class have more advantages than other children.
Well, at my son's school, the school that I attended when I was young, I have always had the problem of being heard, being listened to. I never knew what to attribute it to. So in class tonight we had to discuss our own education systems, and it came up about my son attending the same school as I did. As we were talking, my professor asked me this question, "do you think that because in your school system, they do not have a lot of single mother's, they don't know how to deal with you? It seems to me that you are the minority in your school system, and they are not used to having to work with someone who is a young single mother."
Well did that get me thinking....and you know what...after much pondering and considering...I have come to the conclusion my professor was right. The reason I say this, if my Mother goes to a meeting for Nicholas, they listen, they do whatever she asks, but if I go alone, nothing I say matters, and they make all decisions, without considering me at all.
So what do I attribute this to? Is it that I'm young? Or that I'm single? I don't know what it is...but you can bet after this class tonight...I plan to find out :)
I am from a small town, where everyone lives in the nuclear family, (Mom, Dad, and Children), Well as you can tell by the title of my blog, The Single Mommy, My son and I, are not a typical nuclear family. So what does that have to do with Sociology?
Well tonight in class we were discussing education and the role it plays in society. We were discussing all types of things, and one item that came up, was that children whose parents are upper middle class have more advantages than other children.
Well, at my son's school, the school that I attended when I was young, I have always had the problem of being heard, being listened to. I never knew what to attribute it to. So in class tonight we had to discuss our own education systems, and it came up about my son attending the same school as I did. As we were talking, my professor asked me this question, "do you think that because in your school system, they do not have a lot of single mother's, they don't know how to deal with you? It seems to me that you are the minority in your school system, and they are not used to having to work with someone who is a young single mother."
Well did that get me thinking....and you know what...after much pondering and considering...I have come to the conclusion my professor was right. The reason I say this, if my Mother goes to a meeting for Nicholas, they listen, they do whatever she asks, but if I go alone, nothing I say matters, and they make all decisions, without considering me at all.
So what do I attribute this to? Is it that I'm young? Or that I'm single? I don't know what it is...but you can bet after this class tonight...I plan to find out :)
My First Blog
Well this is my first blog, so we will see how it goes. :) I hope you enjoy my anecdotes and stories of my fantastic little son.
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