And Off We Go

So this morning, while it wasn't his "official" first day of school, as that was yesterday. Today was his first day of taking the "big kid" bus.

Now I am the Mommy who is ALWAYS gloating about how my child LOVES to sleep...but this morning...when we need to get our butts moving, so he can catch the bus...it is not very helpful that I have the child who throws the covers over his head and tells me to "GO AWAY" in a very loud voice I might add.

Once he is up and moving after 20 minutes of arguing with him....we get dressed and make the beds and eat breakfast. While at breakfast, I start talking to him about what's going to go on today....

I then get to the part where he is going to get off the bus and wait with his teacher to go inside. At this he pipes up with,

"Why do I need to wait? I am a big boy now I know where my room is...I don't want to wait."

So I try to explain to him that these are the rules and he needs to stay with his teacher....

and he responds with " well I am not going to wait, I'm going to go inside all by myself I don't need help like some baby"

So I answered him back with, "Nicholas Gino Federico, those are the rules and YOU will follow the rules or when you get home you will not be a very happy little boy."

and he says "well why what are you going to do?"

"Oh well we will start with removing your TV from your room, your WII, and then I will go downstairs and take your trainset away."

"Mommy you wouldn't do that."

"Yes Nicholas I would. You need to follow the rules...if you don't follow the rules there are consequences."

"Ok Mommy I'll listen."

Then we come to 8:00....(yes that all happened before 8 AM) we HAVE to go outside and wait for the bus....bus hasn't even gone up our road yet...but out we go..

We take his standard first day of school shot (pics will be posted later) and then at 8:15 the bus finally arrives....he waves goodbye and walks on the bus.

At this the bus driver looks at me and says....."what no tears?" I respond, "Nope, no tears, I'm old hat at this." I wave good-bye as the bus pulls away....and off goes my little boy :)

*Note* I questioned him when I arrived home from work on whether he followed the rules and waited with his teacher and he said 'yes Mommy I listened...don't take my stuff away." :)

Just a short comment...

Today Nicholas had Speech Therapy. He was seeing a new therapist today as his normal therapist was on vacation. At the end of his session the therapists comes out and says..."I just need to ask you is he as good at home as he is everywhere else?"

So I answered..."Oooh no at home he is a little terror with a big mouth and it's just getting bigger."

So she answered back with "Well I have always been told that is the sign of a good parent....when a child behaves everywhere else and is a terror at home."

So I smiled and said thank you...but then I wondered...what kind of a parent is a parent who's child is good at home and everywhere else?

Just Wondering :)

Wonderings

Today I had my bi-weekly meeting with Nicholas' behavioral therapist. This happened AFTER I went to work, picked up Nicholas' physical and dropped it off at school. Met with his new Kindergarten teacher to discuss some concerns. Then went to church and registered him for Catechism and volunteered to teach on Thursday afternoons.

What happened at this meeting to warrant a blog....well exactly this....

Today we were discussing Nicholas' aversion to water....simply put...he HATES water. Goes balistic when he goes near it...or you mention going swimming to him. So we were sitting there watching him play with some toys and were discussing this when she brought up swimming lessons again.

So she says today, have you thought more about the swimming lessons...and I told her I had...but I just couldn't figure out how to fit that into our schedule at this point and time.

Then I explained everything to her....

Nicholas starts Kindergarten, he starts catechism, and he has therapy 2 X a week (not including his biweekly meeting with her)

I work, am now taking 3 courses at school instead of 2, and have now agreed to also teach catechism.

Her answer to this....."Well you just need to figure it out"

So I looked at her and said..."Ok yes...I will just figure it out...and here is my just figuring it out..it isn't happening in September...I will revisit the issue in January for the next term of swimming lessons...but right now it is too much"

And she responded with "we keep coming up with this issue, you simply just do not do everything you need to be doing for your son, you need to learn how to manage your time better and spend as much time as needed with him to help him with all of his issues."

*As a side note to this...this comment from her and EVERYONE in the medical/educational/therapeutic field who say this to me...because I have heard it more than once just REALLY gets to me...I am not sure what they want/expect from me...I really think they want me to be a stay at home Mom who just spends every waking minute with her child...and honestly...when I am home and on weekends I do spend as much time as possible with Nicholas...and everyone in my family will vouch for that...LOL....but I'm sorry I need to work, I need to go to school...so I am sorry if certain people don't like that...but it's the simple facts of life...and I FEEL I DO, DO AS MUCH AS I HUMANLY CAN FOR NICHOLAS.

So after the meeting I came home and sat down and went over everything...school schedules, work schedules, therapy appointments, catechism schedules inserted some studying time, homework time for Nicholas...they say 0-10 minutes of homework for Kindergarteners but with Nicholas' difficulties I alloted 1/2 hour per night...plus time to cook dinner...etc...and I found a spare hour in there where I could possibly fit in these swimming lessons for him...but in all honesty by doing that...I am REALLY overextending myself and I feel I am just putting too much on Nicholas all at once...

So I am debating....should I overextend myself (which simply put is the job of a Mother) and sign him up for the swimming lessons...or should I stick to what I originally said and wait till January and give both of us some time to adjust to the new schedules....

The decisions of Mommyhood :)

To The Max

Everyone in their life has that moment where they just know that if one more item falls into their lap....or onto an imaginary plate that they are balancing...everything will just come crashing down.....well I am at that precipice...I can feel it in my chest...if one more thing goes wrong...or gets added to my proverbial plate...everything is going to come crashing down around me...

*This blog is not going to be your shiny happy blog....or your cute anecdote blog about Nicholas....it will be a blog of rambling from said crazy person...me :) *

Let the rambling begin..........I warn you all....stop reading now......

1.) The Christmas Holiday is fast approaching....and I have still not bought one single gift for anyone.....let alone my own son....but that is a small problem..one easily rectified too....but it's on that imaginary plate....

2.) My Father is in Florida...yes....and yes he is coming home for the Christmas holiday....but my parents have been fighting since Thanksgiving....and I have been relegated to their go between person...their buffer....because they are not speaking to each other...ooh wait yes they are...only through me...."Tell your mother this" "well tell your father that"....again a small problem...it's actually more annoying than anything...and I also know that once my Father comes home...they will be forced to talk to each other

3.) I have my History Final on Monday....only problem is....my professor...STILL has not given us any idea what is on the final....accept to say..."It won't cover everything you have learned"...OK then...what will it cover? He keeps saying...next class we'll discuss it...next class....well I only have one class left...Thursday...so let us all pray that I get some idea on Thursday.....again...small dilemma...but still on that imaginary plate

4.) My son's PPT is fast approaching...December 21st to be exact...and for lack of any better wording...I will be bringing the roof down on these people....They have apparently reneged on the agreement that Nicholas needs Occupational Therapy...they say he can wait till Kindergarten....but they admit he has a problem....they would rather wait till he is even FURTHER behind in his writing capabilities than give him the services he needs....to continue with this same item....I fully believe that my son is NOT getting his Speech therapy services....I have found out that Nicholas has been getting sent back and forth to Kindergarten...behind my back....and against my wishes....which has now made it that my son does not want to go to school...in fact he cries everyday when he has to go....and he used to love going to school...and to put the icing on the cake....he is STILL getting hit in the classroom....but...

I am FULLY PREPARED for this PPT.....

A.) I have letters from his personal physician, his neurologist, his private therapists, and a pediatric developmental specialist...all saying the same thing...all agreeing with me...HE NEEDS THE OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY NOW....not later

B.) I have pulled out his IEP from last year...which 1.) states that he is to be receiving an hour and a half a week of Speech therapy services....so to fix the problem of him not getting these services...I will be requesting a log....sent home every week..on what they are working on with him, when they saw him, and for how long...and 2.) it also states that I told them last year...his getting moved back and forth to Kindergarten was not allowed...so what does that mean....they went against the IEP...which they can't do...:)

So even though I am fully prepared for this PPT....it is still on that damn plate of mine.....and now for the biggie...the number one item on my plate....

5.) My Son's Father----

Well as you can pretty much tell, by the title of the blog....The Single Mommy...my son's father is not in his life...in fact...to tell you the truth..he has never even met him once...his loss I know...:) For 5 years...I have had peace...while I have heard from his family in those five years...it was mostly to tell me...well he says Nicholas isn't his...you are lying...etc....While those things hurt, I just kept saying...well it's his loss...and he knows the truth...and sooner or later what goes around comes around...but I also fully believed...that when the time came...when he went to court for a child support hearing...he wouldn't lie to the judge....WELL BOY WAS I WRONG....you guessed it...he lied...

although I suppose...if you say something enough..you begin to believe it yourself...so maybe he believes what he's been saying all these years...but still it hurt to hear it...

what really hurt...was when I had to bring my son..to the slums of the slums....(because this child support case is going through the state) for DNA testing....I swear to you...there was a family there...2 sisters...their kids...and the Grandmother....all there arguing...they didn't know whose kid was whose....how on this god green earth do you not know which child is yours?!?!? I'm actually still trying to figure that one out...but I digress....my issue here is simply...he is putting me through this embarrassment...making me take my child for DNA testing...to what? To prove to everyone...that I haven't been lying for 5 years....to stall out this hearing a little bit longer...what is this doing...besides upsetting me.....I know I shouldn't let it upset me, but unfortunately it does....and this whole thing...this whole proceeding...is another item on my plate until it gets settled...which I pray comes quickly...because I really can't take much more of that....like I said...I had peace for 5 years...I didn't have to think about him, I didn't have to deal with this...I didn't have to have anything to do with him...I didn't have to know what he was saying...but now I do...and it's right in my face...and well I truthfully don't know how to deal with it....

And let us go back to that PPT point from earlier....with this item being in my face right now...(my son's father).....it forces me to remember that for 5 years I have been fighting tooth and nail for our son....alone...and well that bugs me too...of course I will do it and I will continue to do it...because damn it...no one is going to deny my son of services that he needs so he can become whoever he wants to be....but it would be nice to have some support every once in a while....to have someone come and say...here Melissa let me go and argue with them today....but no I do it alone.....and sometimes it just gets to me...especially when I go to one of his Doctor's and I hear the words, "You aren't doing enough for him...you need to be doing more.." I have to ask myself..."how much more can I do?"

Anyways....I have now been writing for an hour...and I feel better...at least I got it all out there...but on a positive note...because I am simply not one to leave a blog on a bad note...I have decided that once my final is over, my father comes home, Christmas is over, my son's PPT is done...and the only thing I have to worry about is Nicholas' Dad...I am going to take a two week vacation with Nicholas...because really...he and I need some time together...and I need a break...time to clear my head and relax and rejuvenate....:)

Simply Amazed...there are no words

So today I dropped my son off at his Special Education Pre-School clasroom for his 2 1/2 hour day.

To Understand this story you need this side bit of information....Nicholas is in this program for a speech and language impairment.....

So to continue....Nicholas walks into the classroom, I am telling his special education teacher, that I will be picking him up today...when Nicholas walks over to the teacher....and pulls on her arm, (doesn't say anything), gets her attention, then points at his shoe (still not saying anything), and keeps pointing at his shoe, until his teacher who is guessing everything and anything, figures out that his shoe is wet....and this is why he is complaining.....silently....

I watch this whole scene, and then look at Nicholas and say..."excuse me since when can't we talk?" He just shakes his head....so I then said..."well I guess since you can't talk we need to take away your TV and toys."

Nicholas: "Mommy I can talk."

Me: "I thought so, now you know better and you need to use your words, go put your stuff away please."

Nicholas: "ok Mommy, bye"

I then turn to his teacher and just look at her....

Me: "ummmmm correct me if I'm wrong, but he is here for a speech delay, since when does him not talking help with his speech impairment?"

DePalma: "Well he hasn't been here for two days, so he was looking for attention."

Me: "So we are reinforcing him getting negative attention?"

DePalma: "Well no, we aren't doing that, but he just wanted some attention from me, so I gave it to him."

Me: "but by you responding to him, without him talking, you are reinforcing him not having to talk. (Then because I really had to run because I had to get my dad to an appointment) Uhhhh I don't have time to argue this with you, just don't do it anymore....I don't need you helping him to not talk...you are supposed to be helping him TO TALK.....gotta go bye."

But I mean seriously people....really?!?! How is this OK?

Happy Birthday to My Baby Boy....oooh excuse me my Big Boy

Well It's official...it's October 22nd, which means my baby is now a big boy and has officially turned 5. I simply cannot believe it. Where have those 5 years gone? I still remember October 21st, 2004 completely clearly. Now you all are probably saying...wait a minute he was born the 22nd...and you are right, but his birth starts on the 21st. I can remember being at my job at that time, Tutor Time, and saying to everyone, "I will be right back, I'm just going for my ultrasound....see everyone in like 2 hours." Well you guessed it...those 2 hours turned into 6 weeks. My son dramatic since the start :) I went for my ultrasound, thinking everything was normal...and then everybody gets all mysterious....the technician, is in and out of the room, the staff are going back and forth, and then finally, me getting rather annoyed, because I don't know what is going on, ask "is everything ok?" The technician says get dressed, and sit in the waiting room, we are waiting for Dr. Ronan to call us back, concerning you." so I got dressed, and waited. About an hour later, they came and told me, go to the hospital, Dr. Ronan will meet you there. So the scared little girl that I am....call my Mom....and head to the hospital...only when I called her...I didn't know anything...so I went to the hospital, and they had a room ready...and Dr. Ronan was there....nothing horrible, I just needed to get IV Fluid through the night, and then the next morning they would induce labor. So I spent the night with a needle in my arm, contemplating the next day...when I would meet my little baby boy.

The next morning at 8:30 AM sharp, they started the inducing drugs....and I admit it...I said....I don't want pain medicine...no drugs for me...not at all....haha yeah right....the first sign of pain....I was begging....:)

At exactly 7:10 that night...my little boy was there....Nicholas Gino Federico, my baby boy. Now there is a very funny story that should be put in here...but out of my own embarrassment I won't say it...but Auntie Jo...you know what it is....(the first meeting of my son)

The next 5 years pass in a huge blur....don't get me wrong I have lots and lots of adorable stories...

His christening for example....when his Godmother/Great Aunt (sorry Auntie Jo...but it's true) kept the towel to clean his head off, after the water, and the deacon says "who has my towel" or the first time he said "mama" or when he finally crawled for the first time, or walked for that matter....how about his first day of pre-school, and taking the bus, like such a big boy. I have millions of them, and I could take up the rest of the night and probably all the next day discussing them....so I will spare everyone :)

Then there are the not so good times...like when at 2 weeks old...my baby was admitted to the hospital for an infected finger....yes that's right an infected finger....I felt like the worst mother in the world at that point...my baby was only two weeks old and he was already hospitalized :(

Or the more recent two stitches in his head, because he tripped over his own feet while playing and went head first into the corner of a wall....

But these past 5 years, while passing quickly have also been the greatest of my life, I have had the privilege of raising one of the cutest, smartest, funniest, most adorable children in the world...my little boy.

And as is tradition with me, and everyone who knows me knows this, A BIG BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION will be starting today and ending on Sunday. :) We have parties at school, parties at home, parties at his gym, and our big family party, for the rest of the weekend...

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY VERY SPECIAL LITTLE BOY....I LOVE YOU NICHOLAS. I still can't believe you have turned 5 today....:)

A thought from watching a tv show

Well if you know me at all you know that I LOVE the tv show Brothers and Sisters...in fact it is the only show I watch on TV. Every Sunday night, no matter what I'm doing, or how much work I have to do, I stop everything and turn on ABC and enjoy my one show.

Well after tonights episode, I had a thought. Obviously from the title of this blog...The Single Mommy, I am a single Mom, it was a choice I made myself, it was a choice I never question, but I have a question tonight....

After watching tonights episode, I saw something that makes me wonder. There is a family, a mother, father, and a son. This dynamic stays together simply because of the child. So my question is this...

Is it better to give your child a mother and a father even if you aren't happy in your situation? Or is it better to do as I did and leave the bad situation?

Well all I can say to this is simply this:

My son is soon to be 5 years old...and all I hear from anyone who meets him, is how much of a happy child he is, how they never see him without a smile on his face, how respectful he is, and how much of a pure joy he is to be around. So I say this....I made the right choice...my son is happy and I am happy and at peace with my decision. :)

So my lesson for the night for all you readers out there....you might think you are doing the right thing for your child by staying together, but in the end, the child will realize that you stayed together simply for them, and they will feel guilt and anger. So don't do it. If you aren't happy, get out, you can both still be parents to the child, but you don't have to be together to be parents.

In my situation, his father has chosen to not be a father to his son, but that was a choice he made, and a choice he has to be at peace with. Is he at peace with his decision? I can't answer that, because I don't know. All I can say is...I am at peace.