I'm only into my 3rd week in the semester, and I am 'barely swimming.' I decided to add a course to my course load this semester, so that I am now taking 3 courses instead of my 2. I wanted some challenge. I think I took too much challenge.
I turned in my first assignment of the year in my Psych/sociology course...and it's a 90....now to most a 90...is a great grade...for me....it's an Ehhh grade...I should have gotten a 95 or better otherwise the grade is unacceptable. In History, I have somehow gotten myself a week behind in reading...another unacceptable....and in English...well I'm reading Beowulf...I have a test in 2 weeks on it...and I can honestly tell you I don't understand it at all...and need to go get the spark notes. I'm frustrated, I'm stressed and I'm barely swimming. I need to find some free time some where to get all this work done...AND this month has now started Homework for Nicholas...NOT A FUN TASK...he is hating it...absolutely hating homework...he comes home and wants to play outside...not do more BORING work...(his words not mine).
Well if you know me at all, you know that I might be having a bit of a challenge right now, but I will conquer this challenge and I will excel no matter what..I will get myself motivated, and I will succeed no matter what it takes...so enough of the whining, blogging and back to work I go :)
Wish me luck on a successful semester :)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Is it possible to be too involved in your child's life?
In Kindergarten, when you are a 'typical child,' your parents need to form a communicative relationship with your teacher. When you are that child that needs just a little bit more help, your parent/s need to form that same relationship with the regular ed teacher, the special ed teacher, and with anyone else servicing that child.
In my son's case that would also include the speech therapist, and the occupational therapist. So let's count that up. That is 4 people who are working with my son on a daily and weekly basis.
I can honestly say at this point, the only person I have spoken to is his regular ed teacher, and I must say this sentence is really getting old to me, "he's really just doing so well." She sounds like a broken record. Now let me tell you...I chose this teacher for Nicholas. I know she is the best. I think she is very good, but what I also think is she is trying to placate me. Keep me happy so to speak. It is now a month since he has been in school, and I have not spoken once to his special ed teacher,who works with him everyday. Let alone his therapists.
As a child going through this same school system, I never realized the lack of communication there was inbetween the teachers and the parents. Now that I am a parent of a child, to me it seems, the only time you speak to the teachers is at conferences, or meetings. Other than that, communication is at a zero, oh wait no...let us not forget the weekly newsletter, there is that communication.
Each week, at least 3x a week, I either drop off or pick up my son, so I am always in 'their face' so to speak. I just wonder how parents are involved in their child's school life if their is no communication. Tomorrow...on my day off...I am going into his school to hunt down his special ed teacher...to have a little talk with her...you know...I need to get in her face, make sure she knows I'm not going to go away.
But I just wonder, maybe I expect to be too involved in my son's life?
In my son's case that would also include the speech therapist, and the occupational therapist. So let's count that up. That is 4 people who are working with my son on a daily and weekly basis.
I can honestly say at this point, the only person I have spoken to is his regular ed teacher, and I must say this sentence is really getting old to me, "he's really just doing so well." She sounds like a broken record. Now let me tell you...I chose this teacher for Nicholas. I know she is the best. I think she is very good, but what I also think is she is trying to placate me. Keep me happy so to speak. It is now a month since he has been in school, and I have not spoken once to his special ed teacher,who works with him everyday. Let alone his therapists.
As a child going through this same school system, I never realized the lack of communication there was inbetween the teachers and the parents. Now that I am a parent of a child, to me it seems, the only time you speak to the teachers is at conferences, or meetings. Other than that, communication is at a zero, oh wait no...let us not forget the weekly newsletter, there is that communication.
Each week, at least 3x a week, I either drop off or pick up my son, so I am always in 'their face' so to speak. I just wonder how parents are involved in their child's school life if their is no communication. Tomorrow...on my day off...I am going into his school to hunt down his special ed teacher...to have a little talk with her...you know...I need to get in her face, make sure she knows I'm not going to go away.
But I just wonder, maybe I expect to be too involved in my son's life?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
First Day for Mommy, Second week for Son
So today started my fall semester. I was so ready this morning to start school...I didn't sleep all night thinking of everything I had to have packed and ready to go. So off to work I went, absolutely exhausted, for lack of sleep. After working 4 hours, I headed to school. Completely excited about the start of the semester. I walk into class...and I got even more excited when the professor remembered me from a year ago.
Only I shouldn't have gotten excited about that...he seemed to remember that in that semester when he had a question..I could usually answer it, because I actually did the reading. Unfortunately his class was a year ago...so I didn't remember all his questions.
Here is an example of how the class went.....
"Does anyone know the name of this historical building? Melissa, what's the answer?"
"Uhh the Parthenon."
"Right. And Melissa who was the Parthenon built for?"
"Athena"
"Excellent. And where is the Parthenon located?"
"Athens."
"Right but more specifically where."
"Ohhh ummm shoot on a mountain...can't remember the name"
"Melissa you remember this, we discussed it last year.."
"Ohhh ummmm OOOOHHH on top of the Acropolis"
"Right...and there is an exact replica of the Parthenon built somewhere in the United States, who knows where? (No one answers) Melissa?"
"Nashville, Tennessee.."
"Excellent, Excellent, have you been there Melissa?"
"Nope I saw the movie Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief, and they take you there."
(At this he busts out laughing)
And that is pretty much how my entire class went....
Then I get out of class...and I have a phone call from my mother..."to call her immediately, about my son."
So I call, and what does she tell me?
That, "MY SON, pulled a stunt today, and refused to get onto the bus this afternoon, b/c his Grandpa was picking him up. that MY SON, held up the bus, because he refused. That MY SON MADE the teacher call his Grandpa to find out if Grandpa was picking him up" (Which he wasn't)
So it's been a great start :)
Only I shouldn't have gotten excited about that...he seemed to remember that in that semester when he had a question..I could usually answer it, because I actually did the reading. Unfortunately his class was a year ago...so I didn't remember all his questions.
Here is an example of how the class went.....
"Does anyone know the name of this historical building? Melissa, what's the answer?"
"Uhh the Parthenon."
"Right. And Melissa who was the Parthenon built for?"
"Athena"
"Excellent. And where is the Parthenon located?"
"Athens."
"Right but more specifically where."
"Ohhh ummm shoot on a mountain...can't remember the name"
"Melissa you remember this, we discussed it last year.."
"Ohhh ummmm OOOOHHH on top of the Acropolis"
"Right...and there is an exact replica of the Parthenon built somewhere in the United States, who knows where? (No one answers) Melissa?"
"Nashville, Tennessee.."
"Excellent, Excellent, have you been there Melissa?"
"Nope I saw the movie Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief, and they take you there."
(At this he busts out laughing)
And that is pretty much how my entire class went....
Then I get out of class...and I have a phone call from my mother..."to call her immediately, about my son."
So I call, and what does she tell me?
That, "MY SON, pulled a stunt today, and refused to get onto the bus this afternoon, b/c his Grandpa was picking him up. that MY SON, held up the bus, because he refused. That MY SON MADE the teacher call his Grandpa to find out if Grandpa was picking him up" (Which he wasn't)
So it's been a great start :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
And Off We Go
So this morning, while it wasn't his "official" first day of school, as that was yesterday. Today was his first day of taking the "big kid" bus.
Now I am the Mommy who is ALWAYS gloating about how my child LOVES to sleep...but this morning...when we need to get our butts moving, so he can catch the bus...it is not very helpful that I have the child who throws the covers over his head and tells me to "GO AWAY" in a very loud voice I might add.
Once he is up and moving after 20 minutes of arguing with him....we get dressed and make the beds and eat breakfast. While at breakfast, I start talking to him about what's going to go on today....
I then get to the part where he is going to get off the bus and wait with his teacher to go inside. At this he pipes up with,
"Why do I need to wait? I am a big boy now I know where my room is...I don't want to wait."
So I try to explain to him that these are the rules and he needs to stay with his teacher....
and he responds with " well I am not going to wait, I'm going to go inside all by myself I don't need help like some baby"
So I answered him back with, "Nicholas Gino Federico, those are the rules and YOU will follow the rules or when you get home you will not be a very happy little boy."
and he says "well why what are you going to do?"
"Oh well we will start with removing your TV from your room, your WII, and then I will go downstairs and take your trainset away."
"Mommy you wouldn't do that."
"Yes Nicholas I would. You need to follow the rules...if you don't follow the rules there are consequences."
"Ok Mommy I'll listen."
Then we come to 8:00....(yes that all happened before 8 AM) we HAVE to go outside and wait for the bus....bus hasn't even gone up our road yet...but out we go..
We take his standard first day of school shot (pics will be posted later) and then at 8:15 the bus finally arrives....he waves goodbye and walks on the bus.
At this the bus driver looks at me and says....."what no tears?" I respond, "Nope, no tears, I'm old hat at this." I wave good-bye as the bus pulls away....and off goes my little boy :)
*Note* I questioned him when I arrived home from work on whether he followed the rules and waited with his teacher and he said 'yes Mommy I listened...don't take my stuff away." :)
Now I am the Mommy who is ALWAYS gloating about how my child LOVES to sleep...but this morning...when we need to get our butts moving, so he can catch the bus...it is not very helpful that I have the child who throws the covers over his head and tells me to "GO AWAY" in a very loud voice I might add.
Once he is up and moving after 20 minutes of arguing with him....we get dressed and make the beds and eat breakfast. While at breakfast, I start talking to him about what's going to go on today....
I then get to the part where he is going to get off the bus and wait with his teacher to go inside. At this he pipes up with,
"Why do I need to wait? I am a big boy now I know where my room is...I don't want to wait."
So I try to explain to him that these are the rules and he needs to stay with his teacher....
and he responds with " well I am not going to wait, I'm going to go inside all by myself I don't need help like some baby"
So I answered him back with, "Nicholas Gino Federico, those are the rules and YOU will follow the rules or when you get home you will not be a very happy little boy."
and he says "well why what are you going to do?"
"Oh well we will start with removing your TV from your room, your WII, and then I will go downstairs and take your trainset away."
"Mommy you wouldn't do that."
"Yes Nicholas I would. You need to follow the rules...if you don't follow the rules there are consequences."
"Ok Mommy I'll listen."
Then we come to 8:00....(yes that all happened before 8 AM) we HAVE to go outside and wait for the bus....bus hasn't even gone up our road yet...but out we go..
We take his standard first day of school shot (pics will be posted later) and then at 8:15 the bus finally arrives....he waves goodbye and walks on the bus.
At this the bus driver looks at me and says....."what no tears?" I respond, "Nope, no tears, I'm old hat at this." I wave good-bye as the bus pulls away....and off goes my little boy :)
*Note* I questioned him when I arrived home from work on whether he followed the rules and waited with his teacher and he said 'yes Mommy I listened...don't take my stuff away." :)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Just a short comment...
Today Nicholas had Speech Therapy. He was seeing a new therapist today as his normal therapist was on vacation. At the end of his session the therapists comes out and says..."I just need to ask you is he as good at home as he is everywhere else?"
So I answered..."Oooh no at home he is a little terror with a big mouth and it's just getting bigger."
So she answered back with "Well I have always been told that is the sign of a good parent....when a child behaves everywhere else and is a terror at home."
So I smiled and said thank you...but then I wondered...what kind of a parent is a parent who's child is good at home and everywhere else?
Just Wondering :)
So I answered..."Oooh no at home he is a little terror with a big mouth and it's just getting bigger."
So she answered back with "Well I have always been told that is the sign of a good parent....when a child behaves everywhere else and is a terror at home."
So I smiled and said thank you...but then I wondered...what kind of a parent is a parent who's child is good at home and everywhere else?
Just Wondering :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Wonderings
Today I had my bi-weekly meeting with Nicholas' behavioral therapist. This happened AFTER I went to work, picked up Nicholas' physical and dropped it off at school. Met with his new Kindergarten teacher to discuss some concerns. Then went to church and registered him for Catechism and volunteered to teach on Thursday afternoons.
What happened at this meeting to warrant a blog....well exactly this....
Today we were discussing Nicholas' aversion to water....simply put...he HATES water. Goes balistic when he goes near it...or you mention going swimming to him. So we were sitting there watching him play with some toys and were discussing this when she brought up swimming lessons again.
So she says today, have you thought more about the swimming lessons...and I told her I had...but I just couldn't figure out how to fit that into our schedule at this point and time.
Then I explained everything to her....
Nicholas starts Kindergarten, he starts catechism, and he has therapy 2 X a week (not including his biweekly meeting with her)
I work, am now taking 3 courses at school instead of 2, and have now agreed to also teach catechism.
Her answer to this....."Well you just need to figure it out"
So I looked at her and said..."Ok yes...I will just figure it out...and here is my just figuring it out..it isn't happening in September...I will revisit the issue in January for the next term of swimming lessons...but right now it is too much"
And she responded with "we keep coming up with this issue, you simply just do not do everything you need to be doing for your son, you need to learn how to manage your time better and spend as much time as needed with him to help him with all of his issues."
*As a side note to this...this comment from her and EVERYONE in the medical/educational/therapeutic field who say this to me...because I have heard it more than once just REALLY gets to me...I am not sure what they want/expect from me...I really think they want me to be a stay at home Mom who just spends every waking minute with her child...and honestly...when I am home and on weekends I do spend as much time as possible with Nicholas...and everyone in my family will vouch for that...LOL....but I'm sorry I need to work, I need to go to school...so I am sorry if certain people don't like that...but it's the simple facts of life...and I FEEL I DO, DO AS MUCH AS I HUMANLY CAN FOR NICHOLAS.
So after the meeting I came home and sat down and went over everything...school schedules, work schedules, therapy appointments, catechism schedules inserted some studying time, homework time for Nicholas...they say 0-10 minutes of homework for Kindergarteners but with Nicholas' difficulties I alloted 1/2 hour per night...plus time to cook dinner...etc...and I found a spare hour in there where I could possibly fit in these swimming lessons for him...but in all honesty by doing that...I am REALLY overextending myself and I feel I am just putting too much on Nicholas all at once...
So I am debating....should I overextend myself (which simply put is the job of a Mother) and sign him up for the swimming lessons...or should I stick to what I originally said and wait till January and give both of us some time to adjust to the new schedules....
The decisions of Mommyhood :)
What happened at this meeting to warrant a blog....well exactly this....
Today we were discussing Nicholas' aversion to water....simply put...he HATES water. Goes balistic when he goes near it...or you mention going swimming to him. So we were sitting there watching him play with some toys and were discussing this when she brought up swimming lessons again.
So she says today, have you thought more about the swimming lessons...and I told her I had...but I just couldn't figure out how to fit that into our schedule at this point and time.
Then I explained everything to her....
Nicholas starts Kindergarten, he starts catechism, and he has therapy 2 X a week (not including his biweekly meeting with her)
I work, am now taking 3 courses at school instead of 2, and have now agreed to also teach catechism.
Her answer to this....."Well you just need to figure it out"
So I looked at her and said..."Ok yes...I will just figure it out...and here is my just figuring it out..it isn't happening in September...I will revisit the issue in January for the next term of swimming lessons...but right now it is too much"
And she responded with "we keep coming up with this issue, you simply just do not do everything you need to be doing for your son, you need to learn how to manage your time better and spend as much time as needed with him to help him with all of his issues."
*As a side note to this...this comment from her and EVERYONE in the medical/educational/therapeutic field who say this to me...because I have heard it more than once just REALLY gets to me...I am not sure what they want/expect from me...I really think they want me to be a stay at home Mom who just spends every waking minute with her child...and honestly...when I am home and on weekends I do spend as much time as possible with Nicholas...and everyone in my family will vouch for that...LOL....but I'm sorry I need to work, I need to go to school...so I am sorry if certain people don't like that...but it's the simple facts of life...and I FEEL I DO, DO AS MUCH AS I HUMANLY CAN FOR NICHOLAS.
So after the meeting I came home and sat down and went over everything...school schedules, work schedules, therapy appointments, catechism schedules inserted some studying time, homework time for Nicholas...they say 0-10 minutes of homework for Kindergarteners but with Nicholas' difficulties I alloted 1/2 hour per night...plus time to cook dinner...etc...and I found a spare hour in there where I could possibly fit in these swimming lessons for him...but in all honesty by doing that...I am REALLY overextending myself and I feel I am just putting too much on Nicholas all at once...
So I am debating....should I overextend myself (which simply put is the job of a Mother) and sign him up for the swimming lessons...or should I stick to what I originally said and wait till January and give both of us some time to adjust to the new schedules....
The decisions of Mommyhood :)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
To The Max
Everyone in their life has that moment where they just know that if one more item falls into their lap....or onto an imaginary plate that they are balancing...everything will just come crashing down.....well I am at that precipice...I can feel it in my chest...if one more thing goes wrong...or gets added to my proverbial plate...everything is going to come crashing down around me...
*This blog is not going to be your shiny happy blog....or your cute anecdote blog about Nicholas....it will be a blog of rambling from said crazy person...me :) *
Let the rambling begin..........I warn you all....stop reading now......
1.) The Christmas Holiday is fast approaching....and I have still not bought one single gift for anyone.....let alone my own son....but that is a small problem..one easily rectified too....but it's on that imaginary plate....
2.) My Father is in Florida...yes....and yes he is coming home for the Christmas holiday....but my parents have been fighting since Thanksgiving....and I have been relegated to their go between person...their buffer....because they are not speaking to each other...ooh wait yes they are...only through me...."Tell your mother this" "well tell your father that"....again a small problem...it's actually more annoying than anything...and I also know that once my Father comes home...they will be forced to talk to each other
3.) I have my History Final on Monday....only problem is....my professor...STILL has not given us any idea what is on the final....accept to say..."It won't cover everything you have learned"...OK then...what will it cover? He keeps saying...next class we'll discuss it...next class....well I only have one class left...Thursday...so let us all pray that I get some idea on Thursday.....again...small dilemma...but still on that imaginary plate
4.) My son's PPT is fast approaching...December 21st to be exact...and for lack of any better wording...I will be bringing the roof down on these people....They have apparently reneged on the agreement that Nicholas needs Occupational Therapy...they say he can wait till Kindergarten....but they admit he has a problem....they would rather wait till he is even FURTHER behind in his writing capabilities than give him the services he needs....to continue with this same item....I fully believe that my son is NOT getting his Speech therapy services....I have found out that Nicholas has been getting sent back and forth to Kindergarten...behind my back....and against my wishes....which has now made it that my son does not want to go to school...in fact he cries everyday when he has to go....and he used to love going to school...and to put the icing on the cake....he is STILL getting hit in the classroom....but...
I am FULLY PREPARED for this PPT.....
A.) I have letters from his personal physician, his neurologist, his private therapists, and a pediatric developmental specialist...all saying the same thing...all agreeing with me...HE NEEDS THE OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY NOW....not later
B.) I have pulled out his IEP from last year...which 1.) states that he is to be receiving an hour and a half a week of Speech therapy services....so to fix the problem of him not getting these services...I will be requesting a log....sent home every week..on what they are working on with him, when they saw him, and for how long...and 2.) it also states that I told them last year...his getting moved back and forth to Kindergarten was not allowed...so what does that mean....they went against the IEP...which they can't do...:)
So even though I am fully prepared for this PPT....it is still on that damn plate of mine.....and now for the biggie...the number one item on my plate....
5.) My Son's Father----
Well as you can pretty much tell, by the title of the blog....The Single Mommy...my son's father is not in his life...in fact...to tell you the truth..he has never even met him once...his loss I know...:) For 5 years...I have had peace...while I have heard from his family in those five years...it was mostly to tell me...well he says Nicholas isn't his...you are lying...etc....While those things hurt, I just kept saying...well it's his loss...and he knows the truth...and sooner or later what goes around comes around...but I also fully believed...that when the time came...when he went to court for a child support hearing...he wouldn't lie to the judge....WELL BOY WAS I WRONG....you guessed it...he lied...
although I suppose...if you say something enough..you begin to believe it yourself...so maybe he believes what he's been saying all these years...but still it hurt to hear it...
what really hurt...was when I had to bring my son..to the slums of the slums....(because this child support case is going through the state) for DNA testing....I swear to you...there was a family there...2 sisters...their kids...and the Grandmother....all there arguing...they didn't know whose kid was whose....how on this god green earth do you not know which child is yours?!?!? I'm actually still trying to figure that one out...but I digress....my issue here is simply...he is putting me through this embarrassment...making me take my child for DNA testing...to what? To prove to everyone...that I haven't been lying for 5 years....to stall out this hearing a little bit longer...what is this doing...besides upsetting me.....I know I shouldn't let it upset me, but unfortunately it does....and this whole thing...this whole proceeding...is another item on my plate until it gets settled...which I pray comes quickly...because I really can't take much more of that....like I said...I had peace for 5 years...I didn't have to think about him, I didn't have to deal with this...I didn't have to have anything to do with him...I didn't have to know what he was saying...but now I do...and it's right in my face...and well I truthfully don't know how to deal with it....
And let us go back to that PPT point from earlier....with this item being in my face right now...(my son's father).....it forces me to remember that for 5 years I have been fighting tooth and nail for our son....alone...and well that bugs me too...of course I will do it and I will continue to do it...because damn it...no one is going to deny my son of services that he needs so he can become whoever he wants to be....but it would be nice to have some support every once in a while....to have someone come and say...here Melissa let me go and argue with them today....but no I do it alone.....and sometimes it just gets to me...especially when I go to one of his Doctor's and I hear the words, "You aren't doing enough for him...you need to be doing more.." I have to ask myself..."how much more can I do?"
Anyways....I have now been writing for an hour...and I feel better...at least I got it all out there...but on a positive note...because I am simply not one to leave a blog on a bad note...I have decided that once my final is over, my father comes home, Christmas is over, my son's PPT is done...and the only thing I have to worry about is Nicholas' Dad...I am going to take a two week vacation with Nicholas...because really...he and I need some time together...and I need a break...time to clear my head and relax and rejuvenate....:)
*This blog is not going to be your shiny happy blog....or your cute anecdote blog about Nicholas....it will be a blog of rambling from said crazy person...me :) *
Let the rambling begin..........I warn you all....stop reading now......
1.) The Christmas Holiday is fast approaching....and I have still not bought one single gift for anyone.....let alone my own son....but that is a small problem..one easily rectified too....but it's on that imaginary plate....
2.) My Father is in Florida...yes....and yes he is coming home for the Christmas holiday....but my parents have been fighting since Thanksgiving....and I have been relegated to their go between person...their buffer....because they are not speaking to each other...ooh wait yes they are...only through me...."Tell your mother this" "well tell your father that"....again a small problem...it's actually more annoying than anything...and I also know that once my Father comes home...they will be forced to talk to each other
3.) I have my History Final on Monday....only problem is....my professor...STILL has not given us any idea what is on the final....accept to say..."It won't cover everything you have learned"...OK then...what will it cover? He keeps saying...next class we'll discuss it...next class....well I only have one class left...Thursday...so let us all pray that I get some idea on Thursday.....again...small dilemma...but still on that imaginary plate
4.) My son's PPT is fast approaching...December 21st to be exact...and for lack of any better wording...I will be bringing the roof down on these people....They have apparently reneged on the agreement that Nicholas needs Occupational Therapy...they say he can wait till Kindergarten....but they admit he has a problem....they would rather wait till he is even FURTHER behind in his writing capabilities than give him the services he needs....to continue with this same item....I fully believe that my son is NOT getting his Speech therapy services....I have found out that Nicholas has been getting sent back and forth to Kindergarten...behind my back....and against my wishes....which has now made it that my son does not want to go to school...in fact he cries everyday when he has to go....and he used to love going to school...and to put the icing on the cake....he is STILL getting hit in the classroom....but...
I am FULLY PREPARED for this PPT.....
A.) I have letters from his personal physician, his neurologist, his private therapists, and a pediatric developmental specialist...all saying the same thing...all agreeing with me...HE NEEDS THE OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY NOW....not later
B.) I have pulled out his IEP from last year...which 1.) states that he is to be receiving an hour and a half a week of Speech therapy services....so to fix the problem of him not getting these services...I will be requesting a log....sent home every week..on what they are working on with him, when they saw him, and for how long...and 2.) it also states that I told them last year...his getting moved back and forth to Kindergarten was not allowed...so what does that mean....they went against the IEP...which they can't do...:)
So even though I am fully prepared for this PPT....it is still on that damn plate of mine.....and now for the biggie...the number one item on my plate....
5.) My Son's Father----
Well as you can pretty much tell, by the title of the blog....The Single Mommy...my son's father is not in his life...in fact...to tell you the truth..he has never even met him once...his loss I know...:) For 5 years...I have had peace...while I have heard from his family in those five years...it was mostly to tell me...well he says Nicholas isn't his...you are lying...etc....While those things hurt, I just kept saying...well it's his loss...and he knows the truth...and sooner or later what goes around comes around...but I also fully believed...that when the time came...when he went to court for a child support hearing...he wouldn't lie to the judge....WELL BOY WAS I WRONG....you guessed it...he lied...
although I suppose...if you say something enough..you begin to believe it yourself...so maybe he believes what he's been saying all these years...but still it hurt to hear it...
what really hurt...was when I had to bring my son..to the slums of the slums....(because this child support case is going through the state) for DNA testing....I swear to you...there was a family there...2 sisters...their kids...and the Grandmother....all there arguing...they didn't know whose kid was whose....how on this god green earth do you not know which child is yours?!?!? I'm actually still trying to figure that one out...but I digress....my issue here is simply...he is putting me through this embarrassment...making me take my child for DNA testing...to what? To prove to everyone...that I haven't been lying for 5 years....to stall out this hearing a little bit longer...what is this doing...besides upsetting me.....I know I shouldn't let it upset me, but unfortunately it does....and this whole thing...this whole proceeding...is another item on my plate until it gets settled...which I pray comes quickly...because I really can't take much more of that....like I said...I had peace for 5 years...I didn't have to think about him, I didn't have to deal with this...I didn't have to have anything to do with him...I didn't have to know what he was saying...but now I do...and it's right in my face...and well I truthfully don't know how to deal with it....
And let us go back to that PPT point from earlier....with this item being in my face right now...(my son's father).....it forces me to remember that for 5 years I have been fighting tooth and nail for our son....alone...and well that bugs me too...of course I will do it and I will continue to do it...because damn it...no one is going to deny my son of services that he needs so he can become whoever he wants to be....but it would be nice to have some support every once in a while....to have someone come and say...here Melissa let me go and argue with them today....but no I do it alone.....and sometimes it just gets to me...especially when I go to one of his Doctor's and I hear the words, "You aren't doing enough for him...you need to be doing more.." I have to ask myself..."how much more can I do?"
Anyways....I have now been writing for an hour...and I feel better...at least I got it all out there...but on a positive note...because I am simply not one to leave a blog on a bad note...I have decided that once my final is over, my father comes home, Christmas is over, my son's PPT is done...and the only thing I have to worry about is Nicholas' Dad...I am going to take a two week vacation with Nicholas...because really...he and I need some time together...and I need a break...time to clear my head and relax and rejuvenate....:)
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