To The Max

Everyone in their life has that moment where they just know that if one more item falls into their lap....or onto an imaginary plate that they are balancing...everything will just come crashing down.....well I am at that precipice...I can feel it in my chest...if one more thing goes wrong...or gets added to my proverbial plate...everything is going to come crashing down around me...

*This blog is not going to be your shiny happy blog....or your cute anecdote blog about Nicholas....it will be a blog of rambling from said crazy person...me :) *

Let the rambling begin..........I warn you all....stop reading now......

1.) The Christmas Holiday is fast approaching....and I have still not bought one single gift for anyone.....let alone my own son....but that is a small problem..one easily rectified too....but it's on that imaginary plate....

2.) My Father is in Florida...yes....and yes he is coming home for the Christmas holiday....but my parents have been fighting since Thanksgiving....and I have been relegated to their go between person...their buffer....because they are not speaking to each other...ooh wait yes they are...only through me...."Tell your mother this" "well tell your father that"....again a small problem...it's actually more annoying than anything...and I also know that once my Father comes home...they will be forced to talk to each other

3.) I have my History Final on Monday....only problem is....my professor...STILL has not given us any idea what is on the final....accept to say..."It won't cover everything you have learned"...OK then...what will it cover? He keeps saying...next class we'll discuss it...next class....well I only have one class left...Thursday...so let us all pray that I get some idea on Thursday.....again...small dilemma...but still on that imaginary plate

4.) My son's PPT is fast approaching...December 21st to be exact...and for lack of any better wording...I will be bringing the roof down on these people....They have apparently reneged on the agreement that Nicholas needs Occupational Therapy...they say he can wait till Kindergarten....but they admit he has a problem....they would rather wait till he is even FURTHER behind in his writing capabilities than give him the services he needs....to continue with this same item....I fully believe that my son is NOT getting his Speech therapy services....I have found out that Nicholas has been getting sent back and forth to Kindergarten...behind my back....and against my wishes....which has now made it that my son does not want to go to school...in fact he cries everyday when he has to go....and he used to love going to school...and to put the icing on the cake....he is STILL getting hit in the classroom....but...

I am FULLY PREPARED for this PPT.....

A.) I have letters from his personal physician, his neurologist, his private therapists, and a pediatric developmental specialist...all saying the same thing...all agreeing with me...HE NEEDS THE OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY NOW....not later

B.) I have pulled out his IEP from last year...which 1.) states that he is to be receiving an hour and a half a week of Speech therapy services....so to fix the problem of him not getting these services...I will be requesting a log....sent home every week..on what they are working on with him, when they saw him, and for how long...and 2.) it also states that I told them last year...his getting moved back and forth to Kindergarten was not allowed...so what does that mean....they went against the IEP...which they can't do...:)

So even though I am fully prepared for this PPT....it is still on that damn plate of mine.....and now for the biggie...the number one item on my plate....

5.) My Son's Father----

Well as you can pretty much tell, by the title of the blog....The Single Mommy...my son's father is not in his life...in fact...to tell you the truth..he has never even met him once...his loss I know...:) For 5 years...I have had peace...while I have heard from his family in those five years...it was mostly to tell me...well he says Nicholas isn't his...you are lying...etc....While those things hurt, I just kept saying...well it's his loss...and he knows the truth...and sooner or later what goes around comes around...but I also fully believed...that when the time came...when he went to court for a child support hearing...he wouldn't lie to the judge....WELL BOY WAS I WRONG....you guessed it...he lied...

although I suppose...if you say something enough..you begin to believe it yourself...so maybe he believes what he's been saying all these years...but still it hurt to hear it...

what really hurt...was when I had to bring my son..to the slums of the slums....(because this child support case is going through the state) for DNA testing....I swear to you...there was a family there...2 sisters...their kids...and the Grandmother....all there arguing...they didn't know whose kid was whose....how on this god green earth do you not know which child is yours?!?!? I'm actually still trying to figure that one out...but I digress....my issue here is simply...he is putting me through this embarrassment...making me take my child for DNA testing...to what? To prove to everyone...that I haven't been lying for 5 years....to stall out this hearing a little bit longer...what is this doing...besides upsetting me.....I know I shouldn't let it upset me, but unfortunately it does....and this whole thing...this whole proceeding...is another item on my plate until it gets settled...which I pray comes quickly...because I really can't take much more of that....like I said...I had peace for 5 years...I didn't have to think about him, I didn't have to deal with this...I didn't have to have anything to do with him...I didn't have to know what he was saying...but now I do...and it's right in my face...and well I truthfully don't know how to deal with it....

And let us go back to that PPT point from earlier....with this item being in my face right now...(my son's father).....it forces me to remember that for 5 years I have been fighting tooth and nail for our son....alone...and well that bugs me too...of course I will do it and I will continue to do it...because damn it...no one is going to deny my son of services that he needs so he can become whoever he wants to be....but it would be nice to have some support every once in a while....to have someone come and say...here Melissa let me go and argue with them today....but no I do it alone.....and sometimes it just gets to me...especially when I go to one of his Doctor's and I hear the words, "You aren't doing enough for him...you need to be doing more.." I have to ask myself..."how much more can I do?"

Anyways....I have now been writing for an hour...and I feel better...at least I got it all out there...but on a positive note...because I am simply not one to leave a blog on a bad note...I have decided that once my final is over, my father comes home, Christmas is over, my son's PPT is done...and the only thing I have to worry about is Nicholas' Dad...I am going to take a two week vacation with Nicholas...because really...he and I need some time together...and I need a break...time to clear my head and relax and rejuvenate....:)